What’s up with the Hookup?

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It seems that Online Dating has become the most common if not the only resource for dating nowadays. Unless of course you want to consider meeting that special someone in Church,a  local MeetUp groups or a random encounter in daily life. Let’s get real though–what are the chances of meeting that one special person, the person of your dreams, ok …..maybe not the perfect person that you could create in your dreams, but a good and decent woman/man that you’d be interested in going out with. I know I know, there’s got to be chemistry, and some visual attraction, their voice has to resonate with you, no scratchy, hoarse, regional dialects that sound like fingernails scratching down a chalkboard!

So then, you dare to create a profile and go on the proverbial Online Dating sites. As a Ph.D. Clinical Sexologist, my research, life experiences, and 18 years of  working with individuals and couples has taught me quite a bit about human nature. I always say that Dating is Not for the Faint of Heart! We’ve all heard the stuff of life about being careful, not getting into a car with a stranger, or meeting someone in a dark shopping center parking lot, etc. etc. We’re all grown ups here, use your head.

I recently heard a story from a friend, that he had agreed to meet a woman in a department store, took her in his car out for dinner to an expensive restaurant, and then dropped her off at a curb, (at her request) of a random townhouse complex. He said that he watched her walk away down the sidewalk and then turn the corner disappearing into the darkness. He never heard from her again and she never returned any of his phone calls. Something sound fishy here to you? There are all sorts of “bad” stories, but using your common sense, by this time in the game you should be able to spot a scam or a person just looking for a “hookup” a mile away.

It’s not just women looking for someone to buy them dinner that get’s guys down in this dating venue. Women have their own dilemmas in these scenarios. Most women report that the guy seems to be pretty nice on the first date, but often there is no “second date” . Seems that many guys have foregone the rituals of asking a woman out in advance, or even asking a woman out on a date at all! For the most part, women are reporting that they get calls later in the evening that go something like this; “hey Susy, whatcha doing? Wanna come over and hang out?”  This used to be called a “booty call” but now…I don’t think it even qualifies as such as in this case, the woman doesn’t even know the man, she’s simply met him once for coffee the week before.

What has happened to chivalry? What has become of the men and their awareness, sense of respect, and efforts to even ask a woman out on a proper date? I’ve done research for over twenty years now. Women of all ages, whether young, middle aged, divorced, single, etc. want to feel special. Young women are still marrying today, coupling up has not become a thing of the past. There are as many weddings today statistically as ever before. Dating is Dating.

Where have all the Real Men gone? It appears that the lack of effort to show a woman that they respect her, want to know her, care enough to get off their butts and actually make some plans in advance and then, OMG, pick up the damn phone and call the woman and ask her out for the coming weekend (in advance please) has all but disappeared with the dinosaurs. Neither the men nor the women are innocent in this dynamic, both are culpable in their participation, acceptance and actions. Seemingly women are either being bullied into sleeping with the guys on first dates or willingly jumping into bed with them because they think that SEX equals intimacy– or worse yet, that having sex with a man will make him fall for her.

What’s the answer to this? First of all, if I had a dollar for every woman that has reported being bullied sexually I’d be a billionaire.  For example: “hey baby, we are both grown ups here, we’re not kids anymore, you’re ruining it by having so many rules, c’mon, stop thinking with your heart and just relax and enjoy the moment” –

WTF?!  ( I love to say WTF, especially in this case)  Let me get this straight, because we are not virgins any longer, we should just jump into bed with every man that lusts for us? Hell NO!  And then there are the Men that report, that Women play this same game on them. Either it’s a ploy to lure the man to bed and hope that he falls in love with her, or the women that my male friends have reported dating: “well she showed up three hours late, ya know, they always do- she looked great though, ya know, like a hooker , but she ended up not sleeping with me so I through her out”.  Again – WTF?  Get your Heads out of Your Butts and figure this out. If it looks like a Duck and Quacks like a Duck and Walks like a Duck …it’s most likely a Damn Duck!

Really not all that complicated if you develop a sense of reason and create some pretty firm boundaries for dating based on your own integrity , values and sense of self-worth. Stay safe and remember …STD’s and other sexually contracted disease are still rampant and participating in Safe Sex no matter what age is and will always be relevant and important.

More later on Dating and Mating –

 

 

 

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What is up with the hookup??

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