The Real Difference Between a Great Lover and the Not So Much Guy!


It is a rainy Sunday afternoon and I am sitting down to write on this very important subject of, ‘What makes your lover great.’

Also mentioned in this blog are safe-sex practices for those in the dating and mating scene. Many often take sexual health risks without understanding the consequences of unsafe sex. If you do not know your intended lover and haven’t discussed previous dating practices, health records, blood work and STD, HIV testing measures, please do so before entering any new intimate relationship for your own safety.

As to what constitutes a “Great Lover”…it is a delicate subject indeed, and I do not profess to be the world’s expert on differentiating between great lovers and not, however, being an expert in the field of human sexuality, I am often privy to numerous opinions on the subject, both unsolicited and randomly provided in my daily interactions with people (meaning on the street opinions, not those of my patients).

I was talking to a massage therapist the other day on this subject. I respect her ideas and she is a savvy woman of the world. Yes guys, we women do talk about such things. Possibly a bit differently than males do, but we talk.

So then, let’s begin. It seems that there is a general consensus among women as to what makes for a not so good, a good and a great lover!


In general, this man will brag at first meeting of his sexual prowess in the bedroom. Also, it is often alluded to as to how well endowed he is. It seems that if the man was such a Casanova in the bedroom, he wouldn’t have to put out a pre-show documentary on his circus act abilities. Also, this man may have a Bad Boy persona, which usually doesn’t get him too far. Many men think that women like Bad Boys, but believe me, it’s an urban myth!

Also, the “not so good lover” is generally all about himself, in multi-dimensional ways. It is maintained that this NSG lover is all about his own performance and pleasure. It is usually his way or the highway, and when suggestions are made, he maintains his reasoning for his own selfish proclivities, standing his ground like a spoiled child. Great sex is about sharing, communication, negotiation and most of all playfulness. Too many rules in the bedroom are a capital TO for Turn Off!


Danger: Equal-Opportunity STDs

Here’s another reality check: sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are incredibly common in the U.S. — even if your social circle is affluent and educated. The most common STDs are: Chlamydia, genital herpes, genital warts caused by human papillomavirus (HPV), and HIV/AIDS.

To reduce risk, use a condom every time you have sex. Ask your partner if he or she has ever had an STD — even if the question feels awkward. Limit your number of sexual partners. Don’t have sex with someone who has sores on his or her genitals. Don’t receive oral sex from somebody with a cold sore. Ask your partner to be tested. Try alternate forms of sexual intimacy.

Please beware of the lover that will insist on not utilizing safe-sex practices. If a new lover demands that he not use a condom because he “can’t feel anything”, I’m sorry to say that’s his problem, not yours. Don’t risk contracting STD’s or other sexually contracted diseases with this man’s power play.


The ‘Good Lover’ takes responsibility and provides his own safe-sex protection. This man is a grown up all the way and usually knows what he wants. He is not too quick to jump the starting gate on the first date and knows the basic rules of not choking you to death with his tongue at first kiss. The Good Lover knows how to follow your lead both in and out of the bedroom.


Ahhhh… this man is a unique creature. Seriously he really does exist! The makings of a Great Lover depends on how healthy he is both mentally and physically himself. This man wants a partner who challenges and supports him towards being a more awake, present and open lover.

This man is not into playing games and is ready for the work and play it takes to co-create an extraordinary relationship together. This lover is looking for a woman who wants more than a partner “for masturbation by other” who wants to learn to flow and co-create together.

Where do you find this man?


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