In my previous blog I asked my readers to comment on whether or not they believed in “Real Love.” The jury is still out on that one and I’m waiting a bit to read the emails I’ve been getting on the subject. I’ll soon write Part II, in which I will present my thoughts and theories on whether or not I believe there is such a thing as “true love.”
In the meantime, there is another component to relationship that is one of the most accurate ways to gauge the status of your relationship. First however, I need to define what I mean by relationship. I’m sure I’ve spoken of this in many of my previous blogs, but to clarify, I am referring to relationship as defined by Wikipedia: -the connection between two or more people or groups and their involvement with one another, especially as regards the way they behave toward and feel about one another; An emotionally close friendship, especially one involving sexual activity- a friendship, connection, union.
I think the above definition pretty much defines what we all in general think of when we hear the term “relationship.” However, not many bother to discuss or define the sexual part of relationship until it becomes a problem for someone in the partnership.
The “Sex” of a relationship does indeed tell a story, defining the nuances and compatibilities’, the individual oddities and yet beautiful dance that each of the partners brings to the lovemaking, and intimacy of the “it” of relationship. This heat and energy between two people can be way beyond and bigger than any intellectualization you can muster up, in attempting to define your feelings for one another.
Often couples come into therapy reporting that they seem to have lost the excitement and desire for each other. Usually this is a symptom of something much larger than merely a loss of libido.
The rivers run deep when it comes to the gamut of emotionality and feelings that we as humans can feel for each other. It only takes one great slight or breaking of one of the sacred bonds of partnership, causing contempt and disdain for the respective partner.
In order be in the flow, and have the kind of intimacy and sexuality that movies and love stories are made of, YES…I believe GREAT SEX does indeed exist… there MUST BE INTIMACY in the relationship. In order for Intimacy to exist…there must be respect and trust. For Respect and Trust to be in place, good communication and the ability to compromise is an absolute. These ingredients of a great relationship cannot and do not exist independently of one another.
If you are in good health, physically and mentally, and there are no medical issues that would prevent you and your partner from enjoying a healthy and active sex life, and then times a wasting!
What are you waiting for? Isn’t it time to explore the romantic options and possibilities that can exist for you both? Unfair fighting, standing your ground in arguments, building contempt and resentment in your relationship are going nowhere games that many people play.
Take time to stop and smell the roses…life is short and here to be enjoyed! Begin a new dialogue with your partner. Someone has to make the first move. Please don’t let your ego stop you from reaching out to your partner and expressing your needs and desires.
Remember that the state of your sex life is most always a measurement of a healthy working partnership. Don’t believe everything you hear on the morning radio talk shows…love is different than lust. Lust is a dime a dozen, a strong and enduring love is a gem that many never find. Take the time to be spontaneous and creative, loving and considerate and you’ll find that flicker of passion that can only exist with purpose and passion.