Is anyone out there still having sex? Honestly, I know we’re all very busy, but c’mon people… surely you have the time and energy to conjure up a bit of sexy stuff with your partner! As they say, “Just Do it!”
Madonna’s got it right when she sings, “Gonna dress you up in my love, in my love All over your body, all over your body In my love All over, all over From your head down to your toes.”
There ya go, remember what it feels like to be in lust?
In conversation with another mental health professional this week, I was startled to hear her corroborative report that none of her patients were having sex! Although she doesn’t specialize in sexuality, the issues of low libido and desire were also raising their sad statistical little heads in her psychiatric arena of therapy.
The issues of low libido, lack of desire and simply falling out of love with a partner are in the top 3, of issues that present in my office. The reasons range from simply not being in the mood, to some personal affront or offense perceived by one or another of the partners, resulting in a sexless and guarded relationship.
Once anger and contempt enter the parameters of relationship, there is a black hole where the heart used to be. No love or intimacy can grow there in the dark.
Only through healthy communication can these problems in a relationship be “fleshed out” a term used in the therapeutic world. This meaning, being able to work through the hurts and disappointments that are always there in the world of relationship. Knowing how to fight fairly, not bringing up the past or throwing verbal zingers at your partner just to inflict pain or harm.
Before you’re singing the song… you’re already gone, I’m lonely, and find yourself begging your partner to stay, stop here please! These are the final stages of argument, where partners can make mistakes that are irreparable.
Professional help can often help partners sort things out and prioritize their relationship in a healthier more functional manner.
The statistical facts continue to support the fact that marriage and relationship is hard work. It is hard to keep sexuality and romance alive in relationship today. What can be done about it? Is sex still important after a few years together?
As a Clinical sexologist, I say, plenty can be done about it! And yes, sex is absolutely, totally, definitely, a necessity in relationship. There are a 1001 ways to show love, and enjoy a fully satisfying sexual life with your partner.